Paparazzi followed an anonymous tip Monday evening that led them to a Manhattan apartment where they uncovered a veritable den of knitting sin. Shocking photos obtained exclusively by Blue Garter reveal two projects in progress on the same needles, as well as a number of other unfinished projects on the premises:

“It was truly unsavory,” reported one onlooker. “Does this woman have no shame?” “I always suspected she might have unnatural proclivities – she seems way too wholesome on the outside, and those are always the ones with the dirty secrets,” opined a source close to the knitter. “Meow!” exclaimed Mingus, a well-known scandal vulture who was obviously relishing the affair.

The menage-a-trois involved the unlikely coupling of a hank of Mission Falls 1824 Cotton in “wintergreen” and a ball of Trendsetter Spiral in an unidentified colorway. The needles were US size 7 Addi circulars, and detectives called to the scene expressed the opinion that the needles’ generous 32″ length may have enabled the whole sordid affair. “This never would have happened on straights,” explained the ranking member of the force. “I’m not so sure,” countered a junior detective in a private interview with our reporter. “I think this knitter may have been so morally corrupt that she might have attempted an act like this no matter what needles she had on hand.”

The knitter, whose name cannot be released in advance of her court date, was the picture of contrition. As she was led away, she offered a tearful apology to her first love, the Mission Falls 1824 Cotton:

“Mishcot, darling, I never meant to hurt you. It was just a moment of weakness – a harmless fling. You know I love you best. I meant everything I said about your soft hand, your unusual elasticity, your character. Spiral doesn’t have an ounce of your personality. I was just curious about her construction! Besides, you can’t expect me to be monogamous – you’re being discontinued! Please, darling, she’s acrylic – you know I could never have a meaningful relationship with anyone acrylic. It only taught me how much I care for you. She wasn’t nearly as good as you are, either – I didn’t even get gauge.”

A judge will decide whether to release the knitter on bail. It is expected that suspension of a prison sentence will hinge upon her promise to complete the Lara cardigan, the project involving the Mission Falls 1824 Cotton, before casting on for the Frost Flowers Pullover with the Trendsetter Spiral.

What with the Frogging of Charlotte (actually I haven’t frogged her yet, but I did determine to do so), it’s been a long time since I had a finished object to report. Happily, the drought has come to an end:

Here is the Phildar Phil Ruban cotton tank top, all ready for someplace more tropical than New York! And now I understand why they take pictures of celebrities on the red carpet from that bizarre angle that makes their legs look so absurdly short: it’s to make their bosoms look ENORMOUS! We’ll try not to read too much into the fact that my doting fiance chose to photograph me from a similar vantage point.

Anyway, the specs: This was a quick and very easy knit on US size 10 needles, using three balls of Phildar Phil Ruban in ‘porcelaine’. It was my first time working with ribbon yarn, and I was astounded at the alchemical effect it undergoes as you knit it up. The Phil Ruban is perfectly flat – it’s not even a woven tube like Rowan Cotton Tape and some others – and yet the fabric it produces is beautifully spongey and drapey, almost like leavened dough. And although I had to dangle my work now and then to relieve the twist in the working yarn, I love the optical striping irregularities the twist caused. The aforementioned photographer complained a little about the lack of waist shaping – the front and back are knit as rectangles – but I felt the fluid character of the fabric might be compromised by adding darts. I lengthened the torso and added little tunicky splits at the bottom to enhance the drape a bit more.

Conclusion: If this tank isn’t absolutely perfect for my honeymoon in Kaua’i, I shall be very much surprised. It’s wonderfully cool and comfortable, and less revealing than I thought it might be, so I won’t have to wear a camisole underneath if I go out in public. Would I knit it again? Absolutely. Many thanks to Becky for enabling me with the spiffy French yarn! I still have plenty left, so I’m dreaming up a wrap to wear over the tank.

I’m late to the party in saying so, but the Yarn Harlot event at Lord & Taylor was amazing. The wine, the cute boys with tasty appetizers, the swag bag, the signed copy of the bookbookbook, the camaraderie of 300 other knitters, and best of all, the lovely, talented, wise, inspiring, and hilarious Harlot herself. Best book event I’ve ever attended! I very stupidly forgot my camera, but thanks to Katie and Amanda, here is proof that Lisa and I stood in the august presence of the Harlot:

And there were many Clapotis on parade – Lisa’s was much admired. Here’s a little Clappy Convention:

Kindly disregard the fact that my forehead is glowing like a beacon (the British are coming by land, apparently) and focus on the knitwear. I haven’t had such a fabulous evening in a long time. Hats off to the Harlot’s publicist and to Lord & Taylor for pulling together an absolutely splendid bash!

Mademoiselle la Clapotis is coming along, despite all the attention I’ve been paying to the wedding stole:

As you can see here, I’ve dropped five stitches. That’s the good news. The bad news is that I’m nearly at the end of my first ball of yarn. I think I can get as far as the sixth dropped stitch before I have to change to the second, but if the yardage is equal, I’m going to come up a little short overall. The Cherry Tree Hill silk & merino is advertised as 330 yards per ball, so I ought to have had plenty of yardage in two. I think I’ll opt to do one repetition fewer in the straight rows if it means I can finish the project without buying a third costly hank. I’d certainly work with this yarn again (someday when the expensive wedding is long past and I’m feeling a little more flush!), but I’d rather not buy more just to finish my Clapotis.