How I can tell I’m a mother now
Published on Tuesday September 14th, 2010
My husband has our baby and I’ve just done four lovely, uninterrupted hours of work in a coffee shop. I didn’t pause to feed anyone, wipe anyone’s bottom, or respond to anyone’s escalating coos and squawks for attention. It was very fine indeed. But throughout I was plagued by a niggling uneasy feeling, as though I had forgotten my knitting or possibly my underpants. Tell me, is it this way when they leave for college or does it wear off?
Posted: September 14th, 2010 at 3:22 pm
In a word – No.
My daughters are 41 and 38 and I still worry and fuss.
Posted: September 14th, 2010 at 3:22 pm
I don’t know about college, but I will say that by 1st grade you get a little better at relaxing into it although it doesn’t quite go away. I still have moments when I have to remind myself that I indeed do know where the boys are and that I have not left them standing somewhere waiting for me to return!
Posted: September 14th, 2010 at 4:36 pm
I can tell you it lasts through middle school! But you get used to it and like the feeling when they’re happy elsewhere….and you know you have to pick them up soon.
Posted: September 14th, 2010 at 6:33 pm
OMG – when they leave for college they tear a huge hole in your heart! The only way to ease the pain is:
1) Travel a lot the first semester they are gone so that when they come home for Thanksgiving you have only just arrived yourself with barely enough time to put food in the fridge – lots of it!, and
2) go visit them for Mother’s Day.
Have fun and remember your job is to raise a responsible adult.
Posted: September 15th, 2010 at 7:10 am
Oh I know what you mean! My son is 13 months and the other day I had a rare opportunity to go to the grocery store by myself. I was way efficient but definitely felt like I had forgotten something. Plus every time a kid yelled “mama” I reacted. 🙂
Posted: September 15th, 2010 at 7:33 am
Next step is to find yourself driving and to look in the back seat and think “Shit, I’ve left the baby at home!” or to be on the bike and look behind you and thnk “Oh, no, he got snagged on a tree somewhere!” all of which make your heart leap out of your chest true cartoon-style before you realise hubby or granny has the sprog. This is it now. FOREVER wah ha ha …
Posted: September 15th, 2010 at 6:03 pm
I don’t think so. Often, mom’s of all ages refer to it as “losing a few brain cells after pregnancy” because your mind always feels jumbled or multi-tracking. I thought perhaps it was just me, but then a few us with kids talked about feeling a little duller (including my Chemistry Dept Chair!). But, you get better at multi-tasking! And one begins to equally enjoy the pleasure of a room full of your children and all their noise, and that same room quiet, silent, and empty. There is a duality in there somewhere.
Posted: September 15th, 2010 at 6:04 pm
Enjoy motherhood, it’s a beautiful thing. 🙂
Posted: September 15th, 2010 at 6:30 pm
I’ve been told it never wears off…the last time I didn’t worry or think about Kira was Sept 9, 2008. I found out I was pregnant on Sept. 10…
I’ll also be 40 this Saturday and my mum still worries herself sick over me…I try to tell her to relax but to no avail….
…it never wears off…
Posted: September 16th, 2010 at 4:18 am
No, I believe it doesn’t ever wear off. My daughter is 23. So far, the worries only change character. My Mom still hasn’t stopped suggesting I “move home”, since my divorce 23 years ago.
Posted: September 16th, 2010 at 10:09 am
I will echo the “tearing a hole in your heart”
Posted: September 17th, 2010 at 9:28 am
It is motherhood. 🙂 The unsettling feeling that you have forgotten something or *grin* someone…fades as they get older and become more self sufficient. But now that mine are 4,5 & 7 and all in school – my mommy brain doesn’t compute. Example I walked to the two older to grade school, dropped the youngest off at preschool and went grocery shopping. By myself. What a luxury. 🙂 I knew I was alone. But I still unlocked all the doors, before opening my door, and then preceded to open the van door to get a kid or two. (hand to face) I did stop my self from saying ‘Hurry up’ to the empty car. And even now, I still hurry home from my errands when I’m kid free – left over from the time that I was their drive through food supply I’m sure. Well either that, or doing errands without little ones just doesn’t take as much time as you think!
Posted: September 18th, 2010 at 3:35 am
I hate to break it to you but it doesn’t wear off, even if they are in college or married. The worries and concerns only change a bit. But I still wouldn’t have it any other way.
Posted: September 18th, 2010 at 7:47 pm
I’m 27 and my mom still worries and thinks about me every day. And she’s relatively sane.
Posted: September 22nd, 2010 at 5:01 pm
No, it does not wear off. It only changes. My “baby” is 32 and married and I still “worry” about her. And then there are the grandchildren! I love them dearly but have to remind myself that they are my son and DIL’s responsibility. Gramma wants to fix the boo-boos like she did for their daddy. My mother was in her 90’s and still fussing over 3 generations of kids! I never ends just changes with the ages and situations. Enjoy her, love her and help her grow wings to fly away from you.
Posted: September 27th, 2010 at 7:33 am
I didn’t get over that feeling for two years…
no,
it’s still there:P
M
Posted: September 29th, 2010 at 10:35 am
I am on week 3 with my own little bundle and your post inspired me to pump so I can leave her with Daddy for more than an hour someday soon!